We’ve probably all been insecure at some point in our lives. So, we know that it’s not a good feeling. Overthinking all of the different things that others will say about an outfit, choice of music, or almost anything, is tiring. And at the end of the day, it isn’t good for you either. According to WebMD all types of insecurity may lead to decreased mental wellness. Depressive or anxious behavior is usually linked to inaccurate and self-sabotaging patterns of thought produced by insecurity. 

Along with the fact that insecurity leads to unintended emotional self-harm, being insecure is unnecessary. Think about what makes you insecure. Now, take a step back, step into someone else’s shoes, and think about it from a stranger’s point of view. Would you still care? Would you notice the same thing you overthink about yourself about someone else? Would you judge them for it? If the answer is no, then why are you judging yourself? If yes, then you’re just lying to yourself. Because there is absolutely nothing I can think of that would make it okay to judge someone based on their appearance. 

Even during projects or different activities; we’re all harder on ourselves, but why? There’s no reason, you might have one but that doesn’t justify making yourself feel bad for it. It’s your first time on this planet too and sometimes things just take a while to learn and get better at, but you don’t get to judge yourself or pity yourself for that. You get up, dust yourself off, and try again. 

I’m not trying to make you feel bad about having an insecurity, I’m just saying, you don’t need to. But alas, it’s a very human thing to feel. Because it’s much easier to think of all the negative things than the positive ones. This is because of the negative effect. According to Lexipol Wellness, the brain registers, focuses, and recalls negative thoughts and events more than positive ones. More examples of the negative effect in action include fixating on and giving more importance to negative events, remembering insults and critiques more than praises, and even insecurities. We’ve gotten so used to all the negative thinking that now we tend to find the negative everywhere, even in ourselves. 

But thinking about it all the time is exhausting. Why not put that work into loving yourself? Gaining confidence? It’ll make you feel a lot better I promise. I know it’s easier said than done but let’s walk through it together. 

1. First and foremost, you need to stop with the negative self-degrading thoughts. You’re perfect just as you are and no one can tell you otherwise. While you’re trying to raise your self-esteem, these thoughts are not going to help you at all. Whenever you think of something like this, try to change your course of thinking and switch it up, think of the exact opposite of whatever was going on in your brain previously. For example: “Gosh I suck at math” Instead of that, try thinking, “I will try my best to do better with practice”. That may have been a slightly cheesy example but, you get what I’m trying to say. Being negative all the time isn’t helping anyone, especially yourself. 

1. This is the most important, stop comparing yourself to others!! That is one of the main causes of insecurity; you think about what other people are doing and make yourself feel inferior to them when it’s just the opposite. Everyone is their own person and each one of us is going through their own journey. So, it truly doesn’t matter what anyone else does or what they look like as long as you’re doing the best you can and working towards your goals, there’s no one stopping you. 

1. Step out of your comfort zone. I know this seems like running towards danger but sometimes that can be a good thing. Think of all the opportunities you might be missing out on because you don’t want to step out of your comfort zone and do something more. And once you do something that you thought you never would, and it doesn’t blow up in your face, that is a huge confidence booster. Even if it’s talking to a new person in your class and you hit it off with them. You’ve been scared of talking to a stranger because you don’t know what to say but honestly, the only thing you need to get started is a simple, ‘Hello’. Again, I know it is a lot easier said than done, but if I  can do it, you can too. 

1. Last but not least, surround yourself with encouraging people, the ones who want only the best for you because they know you deserve it. It can be very draining to surround yourself with people who may be negative 90 percent of the time. Try to open yourself up to people you know you can confide in. Tell them about your goals, how you’re feeling, anything. You don’t need all of that negative energy all the time. Especially when you’re struggling with insecurities, have people around you that you can go to for help and people that you know will motivate you. As human beings, we’re social creatures, so sometimes isolation isn’t what you need; what you actually may need is interaction. 

I hope this encourages you to take the steps to accept yourself and realize that who you are is unique, that you’re perfect, and that your insecurities don’t define you. And lastly, be yourself, so what if people judge you? Anything they think will be forgotten the next day and their opinion doesn’t matter! So go crazy, do whatever makes you happy. 

Written By: Poorvi Deshpande, Mental H2O Youth Resource Writer

Resources: 

WebMD. (n.d.). Insecurity: Types, symptoms, and how to handle it. WebMD. https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/signs-insecurity 

 Cordico. (2022, March 4). Why our brains fixate on the bad (and what to do about it). https://www.cordico.com/2021/01/20/why-our-brains-fixate-on-the-bad-and-what-to-do-about-it/#:~:text=Studies%20have%20shown%20that%20the,and%20Teflon%20for%20positive%20ones.%E2%80%9D