Relationships are vital for one to live a happy life; as humans, we are wired for connection. Human beings are inherently social creatures, and the need for companionship and relations is something ingrained deep within our biology. We need connection, support, and genuine care and understanding from others. Many of us experience restlessness and even depression when we feel alone. 

Thus, we build relationships with those close to us. Those that we connect with, those who support us, and those who we trust end up building a bond with us. These bonds can range from romantic relationships to platonic relationships and familial relationships. For you to be happy, these relationships between your friends, partner, and family should be healthy. 

I, myself, have formed a strong bond with a few friends and I value family more than any other aspect of my life. However, I have had to cut off several friendships for the sake of my mental health. This was difficult, and there were several times when I wondered if I was making the best decision.

Understand that quality is always more important than quantity. Yes, it might feel nice to have a larger friend group over a smaller one, but constantly being hurt repeatedly isn’t worth appearances. Remember, if people were money, having four quarters means more than having one hundred pennies. 

If you find yourself wondering why you’re friends with someone or you notice yourself uncomfortable in their presence, it might be time to cut ties. The person or people you form bonds with should help you love yourself more. They should care for you and you should care for them; it is a mutually beneficial relationship that leaves both of you in a better place. If you feel hurt by their words or actions, the relationship is no longer beneficial. 

Romantic Relationships: 

Relationships, romantic ones, can lead to severe anxiety and stress if they aren’t taken care of. Romance or romantic love is a feeling of love for or a strong attraction towards another person; these two people feel such closeness to one another that they form an intimate bond. However, these relationships, as well, can have toxicity. It is important to take notice of any form of hate in the relationship, and if you notice it, make sure to split it up. 

Some signs of a toxic relationship include: 

• Controlling behavior
• Disrespect
• Social isolation
• Psychological abuse
• Physical abuse
• Unhealthy jealousy
• Lack of support
• Manipulation
• Betrayal
• Feeling drained
• Gaslighting
• Guilt
• Lack of trust
• Lack of boundaries
• Possessiveness
• Anxiety
• Toxic communication
• Poor self-esteem

If any of these are present in your relationship, it might be best to either 

1. Talk to your partner
2. Take a break from the relationship

It is difficult, especially when the relationship has existed for a long time, to break things off. However, if you find yourself hurt or in a worse position after being together than before, it might be a sign. 

Platonic Relationships: 

Friendship is the one relationship that you have the most control over. If it is deemed that a relationship is toxic, more than likely, it is healthier to break it off. Here are some telltale signs that a friendship might be unhealthy: 

1. If a friend consistently puts you down: When your friend demeans you in public or embarrasses you. This might be a sign that they aren’t a true friend. 
2. Gossip: If you tell a friend your secret and find out that everyone else knows it later, they are most likely untrustworthy. 
3. Apologize without sincerity: When you call them out on a behavior that they did, they shrug and brush it off without being sincere. 
4. Compare you to other people: if you have a friend who makes you feel like you don’t measure up to their other friends or their standards, it might be best to cut ties.
5. Put themselves first: Yes, it is very important to take care of yourself, but if your friend doesn’t listen to you or hear you out, they are a bad friend. These friends drop in when things are going well or when they need something, but when you’re struggling, you can’t reach them at all. 
6. Leave you uncomfortable or unsettled: if their presence makes you feel uncomfortable, nervous, or alarmed, it might be a sign that they aren’t your friend.

Of course, there are several reasons why someone might not be a good friend; it is important to understand that at the end of the day if this “friend” is hurting you in the relationship, they are not your friend. A friend, in no way shape, or form, should make you feel like you are hurting mentally.

Familial Relationships: 

Family relationships can indeed be incredibly complex and challenging to navigate, especially when they become unhealthy or toxic. The idea of a chosen family versus a given family is significant here. Chosen family refers to your friends or mentors, those who aren’t related by blood, but those who have formed strong bonds with you. On the other hand, given family—those related by blood—comes with inherent expectations and obligations. While ideally, family should provide comfort, support, and a sense of belonging, this isn’t always the case. Many people find themselves in situations where familial relationships are strained, damaging, or even harmful to their well-being.

Feeling trapped in such relationships is a common experience for several. In addition, the societal expectation to maintain close ties with family members can add to a sense of obligation and a sense of entrapment, making it difficult to either acknowledge or address toxic dynamics. 

1. Seek guidance from trusted individuals or professionals: they can aid you in navigating difficult relationships and finding a path toward healing and growth
2. Focus on Self-Care: Take care of your well-being. This might include practicing self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, hobbies you enjoy
3. Speak up: if possible, talk to the family member making you feel uncomfortable or hurt; more than likely, they love you and they are willing to listen

Written By: Siri Munnuluri, Mental H2O Youth Resource Writer